Reality Check.

This week and the previous one are often called "Hell Week"and "Death Week" on college campuses all over america. A term that is used to describe the time when lists are made,  composed of  overwhelming projects, book reports, exams and so on that are worth the majority of your grade in the class that semester. Timelines and news feeds are filled with complaints about how a particular assignment will be the "death of me"or brings them to a point in which they post "Kill me now". On occasion you might pass by a conversation that sounds like this, BOB1: "what does this week look like for you?" BOB2 :"Like death". . .

That was my reality. my attitude. I jokingly have made some of those comments in the last week (when you are up till 4:30AM several nights in a row working on a particular subject. . . your attitude isn't always the best.) but I WAS WRONG. 

*Disclaimer: I am simply pondering. processing. reflecting. and trying to learn, while celebrating the life of a brother.

On 1:30 Saturday night I was given a reality check - a horrid,  and awful reality check that left pain and chaos in its wake.

Death became a reality this weekend. 

I didn't know Daniel very well, but he made GREAT stir fry, and always had a smile!

. . .This week has left me with a broken heart and a burden that I carry for those that I love, my brothers and sisters in Christ, who LOVED Daniel well (those that still do).

The sounds of shocked and broken sobs from my friends echoing in that auditorium are seared into my memory and not easily forgotten.
I don't have answers I can offer, Words are inadequate, and I cannot begin to have an idea of the grief that they are enduring. IT SUCKS. I don't like seeing some of my favorite people hit rock bottom and being unable to help them.

The reality check that we as people are not immune to death and loss is good. Even though the death and loss itself is HORRID, a nightmare. I do not believe we were made to handle such tragedy, we are incapable. We were made to know goodness and Love, companionship and creativity, but Asa BUT, There is a solution that satisfies the need that our distorted nature creates. Christ. I think that there is a odd beauty in being awakened to that need, because it is only when we are truly needy to we crave and desire the solution.

Maybe that is where joy comes into play. I believe that is possible to have joy when you are sorrowful, because joy - deep and abiding is not happiness. Joy is more.

MAYBE JOY IS THE MINDSET THAT DESPITE THE DARKNESS (EVIL) OF THIS WORLD THERE IS STILL LIGHT (GOODNESS). 

In studying for one of my classes I was reminded that God is righteous! Meaning that He fulfills every relationship perfectly.
That includes his relationship with darkness. That means He knows the correct PLACE of darkness and also what is IN the darkness.
He is in control. He is sovereign. Despite what has taken place.
AND. . .

In him there is new beginnings and New hope that we can cling to. 

It doesn't mean we are going to have answers we want, but thats when we MUST trust. Trust in someone who is constant and unchanging. Someone outside of time, in whom is the source of life.
I am thankful that Daniel knew life, that he knew the source of all life, and that he knew his identity was in Christ. I am thankful that He LOVED the Lord with his whole heart and I am jealous of him. Because he is face to face with The King of Glory! - which is way better than winning the lottery!
He is in paradise! A paradise that Paul writes about in 2 Corinthians 12:1-4. A Paradise that makes men want to boast! A paradise that those who believe in the name of Jesus Christ get to enter into because of His victory over death on the cross, and their restored relationship with God!

Life here on earth is simply a gift from God, it's is always a gift - a gift that I am guilty of forgetting, one that I am not entitled to by right; but one that I have. One that we are all given - even during finals week, even during the midst of tragedy. 

Maybe I can't offer answers to tragedy or the horrid things in life, and maybe I can't make that hollow ache - that gapping hole that comes from senseless tragedy go away. But I can pray, and love, and I can share moments of laughter, with my friends, with those hurting and remind them of the other reality. The reality of life. 

Walking Zombies

     It’s a bitter cold day here in the South today. Believe it or not, it is possible for the temperature to suddenly drop below 30 degrees. Although I must say, the reaction of southerners to snow. . . I mean Sleet - is unbelievably enthusiastic and very entertaining to watch.

     Today is a day when all the college kids go running to their local coffee shops or if they desire coffee but want to avoid the chatter - pick up their favorite drink & head to the cozy nook in Barnes and Noble. At least that’s what I did.
     A girl can only take so much psych, and after reading a grand total of 5 pages (at least I finished a section) I decided to take a study break.  The grand thing about book stores is that there are ALL kinds of interesting books to look at. . .
Books on Philosophy. . .

. . . are right next to books on Dieting & other random psychology books. . .

. . .and then a few shelves down are books on new age, Wicca, myths and fantasy, history and Christianity. 

     So I’m walking around, after a crazy last couple of days, which have basically been consumed with my own schedule; and I have one thought. ONE Random thought. That blows my mind.There are probably 500 books in that section alone… each by a different person. 

I know -  you are probably thinking, "Duh! Where do you think books come from"----I know. I'm not THAT blonde.  
     It is the concept that each book represents the thoughts that fill up the heads of individuals who write them. Questions and concepts that plague the closet poet, the world evangelist, the mother turned fiction writer, the university professor, the world renowned doctor, the Graduate student of historical studies. . . and here I was concerned about not failing an exam. Where are my priorities? talk about pushing matters of LIFE AND DEATH to the back of my to do list. I became a little overwhelmed. 
     I like looking at things differently and recently I've been asking God to show me people differently. God never disappoints and over the last few weeks, I've realized that I love stories - especially PEOPLES stories, what makes them the way they are. In a society of individualism - I LOVE to listen (So, yeah - I might be that person eavesdropping on your conversation in the corner - but only because I'm curious of how you VIEW life) and the more I LOOK and LISTEN to see people as who they are, the more I see souls searching. WALKING ZOMBIES. Individuals looking for life who 'don't endure sound teaching, but with itching ears, accumulate for themselves teachers to suit their own passions, and who have turned away from listening to truth and wandered off into myths' (2 Tim 4:3-4) and the more broken I become. I may have been standing in a bookstore but as I stood there surrounded by classic novels of past and present; I found myself reorganizing my priority list and aching for individuals in need of THE truth (John 4:16). 
     Next time you pick up a book - weather a textbook or a old classic think of the person who wrote it, I guarantee It will change your perspective a little bit. 
Until next time.
- J