Reality Check.

This week and the previous one are often called "Hell Week"and "Death Week" on college campuses all over america. A term that is used to describe the time when lists are made,  composed of  overwhelming projects, book reports, exams and so on that are worth the majority of your grade in the class that semester. Timelines and news feeds are filled with complaints about how a particular assignment will be the "death of me"or brings them to a point in which they post "Kill me now". On occasion you might pass by a conversation that sounds like this, BOB1: "what does this week look like for you?" BOB2 :"Like death". . .

That was my reality. my attitude. I jokingly have made some of those comments in the last week (when you are up till 4:30AM several nights in a row working on a particular subject. . . your attitude isn't always the best.) but I WAS WRONG. 

*Disclaimer: I am simply pondering. processing. reflecting. and trying to learn, while celebrating the life of a brother.

On 1:30 Saturday night I was given a reality check - a horrid,  and awful reality check that left pain and chaos in its wake.

Death became a reality this weekend. 

I didn't know Daniel very well, but he made GREAT stir fry, and always had a smile!

. . .This week has left me with a broken heart and a burden that I carry for those that I love, my brothers and sisters in Christ, who LOVED Daniel well (those that still do).

The sounds of shocked and broken sobs from my friends echoing in that auditorium are seared into my memory and not easily forgotten.
I don't have answers I can offer, Words are inadequate, and I cannot begin to have an idea of the grief that they are enduring. IT SUCKS. I don't like seeing some of my favorite people hit rock bottom and being unable to help them.

The reality check that we as people are not immune to death and loss is good. Even though the death and loss itself is HORRID, a nightmare. I do not believe we were made to handle such tragedy, we are incapable. We were made to know goodness and Love, companionship and creativity, but Asa BUT, There is a solution that satisfies the need that our distorted nature creates. Christ. I think that there is a odd beauty in being awakened to that need, because it is only when we are truly needy to we crave and desire the solution.

Maybe that is where joy comes into play. I believe that is possible to have joy when you are sorrowful, because joy - deep and abiding is not happiness. Joy is more.

MAYBE JOY IS THE MINDSET THAT DESPITE THE DARKNESS (EVIL) OF THIS WORLD THERE IS STILL LIGHT (GOODNESS). 

In studying for one of my classes I was reminded that God is righteous! Meaning that He fulfills every relationship perfectly.
That includes his relationship with darkness. That means He knows the correct PLACE of darkness and also what is IN the darkness.
He is in control. He is sovereign. Despite what has taken place.
AND. . .

In him there is new beginnings and New hope that we can cling to. 

It doesn't mean we are going to have answers we want, but thats when we MUST trust. Trust in someone who is constant and unchanging. Someone outside of time, in whom is the source of life.
I am thankful that Daniel knew life, that he knew the source of all life, and that he knew his identity was in Christ. I am thankful that He LOVED the Lord with his whole heart and I am jealous of him. Because he is face to face with The King of Glory! - which is way better than winning the lottery!
He is in paradise! A paradise that Paul writes about in 2 Corinthians 12:1-4. A Paradise that makes men want to boast! A paradise that those who believe in the name of Jesus Christ get to enter into because of His victory over death on the cross, and their restored relationship with God!

Life here on earth is simply a gift from God, it's is always a gift - a gift that I am guilty of forgetting, one that I am not entitled to by right; but one that I have. One that we are all given - even during finals week, even during the midst of tragedy. 

Maybe I can't offer answers to tragedy or the horrid things in life, and maybe I can't make that hollow ache - that gapping hole that comes from senseless tragedy go away. But I can pray, and love, and I can share moments of laughter, with my friends, with those hurting and remind them of the other reality. The reality of life. 

Back to the Keyboard

        You may have noticed that I have been strangely absent lately.

In which you would be right. But. . . if you were a college student taking 16 credits including Hermeneutics (the study and interpretation of Biblical scripture) and Philosophy (thinking, thinking, and thinking some more...) while still managing to keep up with friends, occasionally seeing sunshine, working off campus, and still TRYING to get a minimum 4 hours of sleep. . . well then that whole "STRANGE" part may not be so strange. 

(I actually looked like this for the better part of the last 6 weeks.)

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        It hasn't been awful. Yes, I really have learned more than I felt like my brain can hold and there have been moments that I haven't had time to think (or so it feels) But that is what college was created for. To teach us what we don't know. It's a Learning process. 

That thought right there is the result of the name change at the top of this blog. 

I DON'T KNOW, but I have thoughts. 

Ideas that I get really passionate about. 

A perspective that isn't always right, and if necessary, can change. 

So, I'm back on this whole blogging thing, sharing my 

A F T E R T H O U G H T S

on what college and life continues to teach me with all of you. 

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Now, I have to go back to writing a paper. (My life. . .) 

So until next time,  Happy Reading! 

#WatchOutForTheIcePuddle

    Unless you have been living under a rock, or hibernating for the last 4 weeks (like I wish I could be doing) you have probably heard about the south and the sudden #snowapocalypse2014 --- and, No I did not make that up it was a legitimate tag on twitter in reference to the condition of good 'ole South Carolina.

     It's a scary place folks! Walmart ran out of bread and water,  people have lost power, all businesses have been shut down, schools been out for the last 3 days, and driving would be right up there with committing suicide (just a joke). . . As the picture below so beautifully points out S.C has been closed.

Courtesy of Stix blogs

     It hasn't been that awful, although for me to say I am ready for spring and summer is for sure an UNDERSTATEMENT!

I do have to say though, that It is Awesome how God gives us EXACTLY what we need, when we need it most. I was just telling my friend the other day that I needed a day off - where everything would be cancelled and time would stop for a bit while I caught my breath... and look what happened aside from time stopping.

     All this to say, even though I learned my lesson from the last snow day and have worked on a toooooooon of homework in the last few days - They have been so great!

     


















    
     Time with people, plenty of  laughter, olympics, and lots of good things to think about are what have marked my days and made them good gifts. . . and since I know that it is Valentines Day and all, I'm just gonna conclude by saying I don't deserve any of those good gifts, especially the love that I have been given at such a costly price, but I will accept them and dwell on the giver that ultimately gave me life. 

     Anyway, I hope you have a moment in-between eating chocolate and giving hugs to your closest friends today to think about the good gifts God  has given you recently;  and if you are in the South or anywhere with snow or ice really - grab your boots and grab you gloves and watch out for those ice puddles! :)

Love the Arctic penguin 

   

The Kindness of a Stranger.

This post is dedicated to the kind ole' gentleman that helped this city girl change a tire. 

      After today,  I can no longer say "Never have I ever.." been stranded road side due to a obnoxious tire. . .or if you want to get technical a nail that lodged itself into the side-strip of my tire. I had just finished my last shift of the holiday weekend at the good ole' Depot and was headed back for a relaxing saturday afternoon at my friends home (since it is Thanksgiving break after all!!!) and all of a sudden, well -you can imagine my surprise as a few cars rolled up beside me mouthing words and pointing anxiously at my back wheel. It was only after I pulled over in a neighborhood that probably isn't the safest place to be stranded in alone; that I did the only thing a single girl thinks to do when she has car trouble. . .
Called my daddy (who I might add is over 500 miles away and does not have a personal jet at his disposal... but I called anyway). I may or may not have teared up a little bit but hey, being on your own has some scary moments. Needless to say it was about this time the gentleman.. named George walked up to my car and asked if I needed help.
I had a decision to make. I could trust this guy and have immediate help, or wait 3 hours and call AAA like I'd been planning to do.
     I must have looked pretty nervous (after all I'd seen my far share of CSI , NCIS, and all the informative TV shows now a days) because the gentleman called me on it said that It was okay - he told me he had a daughter about my age and he'd want someone to offer to help her if she was ever in my situation. So I decided if worst came to worst I had pepper spray.
     I popped my trunk and within 30 minutes he had the "Donut" spare on and I knew a little bit more about this kind fellow. I eventually got home with daylight to spare and now the next thing on my to-do list is make a stop at the tire shop to get a new tire.
    I will probably never see that kind ole' gentleman or his wife again, but I am sure grateful for the kindness of that stranger. I made it through that seemingly impossible situation - I got home safe and sound, learned some new tire lingo, and have one more story to tell my kids someday. After all 'tis the season to count your blessings and today was just another gift that showed me what Gods goodness looks like.
Have a good one Guys!
- Jac

Walking Zombies

     It’s a bitter cold day here in the South today. Believe it or not, it is possible for the temperature to suddenly drop below 30 degrees. Although I must say, the reaction of southerners to snow. . . I mean Sleet - is unbelievably enthusiastic and very entertaining to watch.

     Today is a day when all the college kids go running to their local coffee shops or if they desire coffee but want to avoid the chatter - pick up their favorite drink & head to the cozy nook in Barnes and Noble. At least that’s what I did.
     A girl can only take so much psych, and after reading a grand total of 5 pages (at least I finished a section) I decided to take a study break.  The grand thing about book stores is that there are ALL kinds of interesting books to look at. . .
Books on Philosophy. . .

. . . are right next to books on Dieting & other random psychology books. . .

. . .and then a few shelves down are books on new age, Wicca, myths and fantasy, history and Christianity. 

     So I’m walking around, after a crazy last couple of days, which have basically been consumed with my own schedule; and I have one thought. ONE Random thought. That blows my mind.There are probably 500 books in that section alone… each by a different person. 

I know -  you are probably thinking, "Duh! Where do you think books come from"----I know. I'm not THAT blonde.  
     It is the concept that each book represents the thoughts that fill up the heads of individuals who write them. Questions and concepts that plague the closet poet, the world evangelist, the mother turned fiction writer, the university professor, the world renowned doctor, the Graduate student of historical studies. . . and here I was concerned about not failing an exam. Where are my priorities? talk about pushing matters of LIFE AND DEATH to the back of my to do list. I became a little overwhelmed. 
     I like looking at things differently and recently I've been asking God to show me people differently. God never disappoints and over the last few weeks, I've realized that I love stories - especially PEOPLES stories, what makes them the way they are. In a society of individualism - I LOVE to listen (So, yeah - I might be that person eavesdropping on your conversation in the corner - but only because I'm curious of how you VIEW life) and the more I LOOK and LISTEN to see people as who they are, the more I see souls searching. WALKING ZOMBIES. Individuals looking for life who 'don't endure sound teaching, but with itching ears, accumulate for themselves teachers to suit their own passions, and who have turned away from listening to truth and wandered off into myths' (2 Tim 4:3-4) and the more broken I become. I may have been standing in a bookstore but as I stood there surrounded by classic novels of past and present; I found myself reorganizing my priority list and aching for individuals in need of THE truth (John 4:16). 
     Next time you pick up a book - weather a textbook or a old classic think of the person who wrote it, I guarantee It will change your perspective a little bit. 
Until next time.
- J

  

1-800-DESPERATE

LADIES AND GENTS.

Guess what! I survived another week; and if you are reading this. . . Well, that means you did to! So, CONGRATULATIONS are in order! 

Lets be honest the real reason you opened this page is because you saw the word DESPERATE. (I would have too) let me explain a little bit. First off, Formal is one of the bigger events here at CIU. Everyone gets all dressed up, takes pictures, and heads to some fancy location where they eat and dance the night away.

UNFORTUNATELY its when the issue of "having a date" comes up that all the drama starts. (mostly with girls.. because well.... We like to get emotional) Recently I myself, have been convicted of how easy it is to place my identity in the fact that I may or may not have a date, but I am working on that. Nobody is perfect and this is the time when taking every thought captive really matters. 

So, to add some HUMOR to a iceberg situation Our FRIDAY VIDEO is on how NOT TO get a date... Haha!! 

I wish you could see all the BLOOPERS that came about during this shoot because Hannah (http://diaryofamissionarykid.wordpress.com) can pull off a Fabulous ditzy character. Plus, now i know what I would sound like as a Dude.... or a chipmunk... we might have experimented. But by now you've read enough... (you're probobly thinking, Gee. What is this a textbook?) I know, I know. 

Sooooooo....

LAUGH ALOT, feel free to share with all your friends and ENJOY the latest episode of "THE HANNAH & JACQUELINE SHOW"...

Thanks for watching!!! 

- Jacqueline

To Imitate

It is Thursday. It is the last day of october; which in turn means it was Halloween. It was the day every mother eagerly pins away for. The day where babies make people "ooh and aww" because they look so precious in whatever costume the mothers pick out and or take time to make and put together. 

I mean how much cuter can this get? 

Kids OF ALL AGES love this occasion, a time where they can dress up and live life as someone else for a little while. Whether you are a monkey, a rather large penguin.... 

A fireman, a cat or Dog, a doctor, a superhero, or even a pirate...

You are IMITATING something. 

You could go with something more normal, like a teacher, a astronaut, or a basketball player.      . . 

Or if you are into the classic films like "Breakfast at Tiffany's", "Sixteen Candles", "Grease", or Even "The James bond " films...

Don't worry... It is nerf.

You could IMITATE them to. 

Adding Harry Potter and Jail-breaker and a Flapper Girl to the list of classic costumes would cover some of the more easily imitated acts.

It hit me tonight,  as I ran around campus with good friends tossing candy onto tables of studious and homework laden classmates; and as we were charging down the hallways in the dorms putting candy in the hands of some VERY surprised people... That....
This is what we are supposed to do Daily.
IMITATE GOD by Imitating CHRIST.
Ephesians 5:1 says "Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children; ² and walk in love, just as Christ also loved." Paul had it figured out. . . I wonder if they celebrated halloween back then... (Just Kidding) but... While Halloween is a pagan holiday that today has morphed into candy and sugar rushes galore with some creative costumes thrown in the mix, It is a Good reminder of what the act of  IMITATION looks like and should look like in a believers life.
Now I'm gonna go eat the one tootsie roll I have left, and you probably should get back to who knows what... but in the meantime have a great day! :) and Thanks for reading!
 

GENIUS.

   Tonight I took my first PSYcHoLoGy EXAM; and if you know anything about that topic you'll know there is a TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON of information. Some I deem useless but that is why I am NOT a psych major and not a scientist... ask the my friends.. me as a scientist... that is a scary thought.

   I was up to my elbows in words I could NOT pronounce and not particularly thrilled about spending quality time with my textbook, Freud (that man had some questionable qualities), Adler or the lobes of the brain for that matter. But I did; and whatdaya know I learned something. 

GOD IS A FREAKING GENIUS.  

   There was a TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON of information we covered in these first couple classes and that I had to memorize and review tonight, and there is going to be more in the classes to come. Not to mention this is just GENERAL PSYCH! There is more information out there than a human could ever retain. 

God knows every answer to ever question people could and have ever asked on top of ALL the information that scientists and psychologists have yet to discover. 

WoW. 

   Yeah. Thats what I thought in the middle of my complaining about the 6+ hours I'd put in to studying for this test...... then I took a moment and looked at my paper. Looked at all the details that I had to memorize describing the composition and specific duties of these microscopic cells and then it hit me.

NOT ONLY did God KNOW everything ABOUT this topic 

GOD CREATED FROM SCRATCH EVERYTHING I WAS STUDYING. 

   Without his creativity none of that information would be present. I guess you could say I just sat there in awe for a moment. First because I was complaining about His handiwork, and secondly because My MiND was pretty much BlOwN.  

   Anyway, this whole exam thing has kinda warped my perspective or maybe it is all the studying getting to my brain. Either way, its been a good day, the night is still young and my to do list is still long... SO, Peace out. 

A Rich Summer.

This summer has been rich!
...But to see the richness you must look closely.

   This will be one of my shortest posts mainly because tomorrow morning I leave for a vacation with my family - one that is long overdue. Tonight the thunder is loud and the lightning is bright. The pitter-patter of rain on my roof follows the rhythm of my thoughts as I try and grasp the reality of what will take place in just a few days and look back and ponder all that I have been blessed with.

  Let me just brag on God a moment!

Because despite all the brokenness of the world, the catastrophes that take place every day, and whatever you lack in this moment... GOD IS GOOD. 

I won't go into detail, but this summer He has given me more than I was expecting to get out of working long hours as a nanny to three kids and a cashier in a supply store.

They certainly made my days fun! I already miss them.  

He has encouraged my spirit through building strong relationships with several people I didn't know at all and making stronger relationships that were already in place. So many sweet conversations, long handwritten letters, and moments of belly shaking laughter have taken place with many of the great people in my life.

I saw changes in my siblings as they grew up. 

  

Wrote letters to this beauty till my hand cramped all summer  & it was well worth it when we were reunited today. Even if it was just for a day it was Perfect. 

This girl, she ROCKS! God has the best way of surprising you when you need it most and She was a sweet wonderful answer to prayer. 

 And there ARE SO MANY MORE I could name! 

Each one making an impact in my life and on this summer. 

Along with hanging with great people I was also able to reach my money goal for the summer and add a thousand to its number! EVEN while spending a week at an overnight camp as a counselor to seven 5th Graders and volunteering to help in the morning at a day camp for a week. To top it all off Seeing two girls surrender to Christ for the first time made my summer worth so much more than I could ever imagine! 

 If there was one lesson I learned this summer it would be this.... 

"The secret to being content and enjoying life is fixing your eyes on christ and placing your hopes and dreams in the possibilities God has for your future." 

This is true even as I pack up to go back to school. It may not be the easiest thing in the world (in fact it is probably one of the hardest things I have to do over and over again.) but it is a guaranteed adventure when I am focused on all the things I can do with Christ as my strength and comfort - when he is my Constant rock and when he is my home. 

This guy said it best . . . 

“If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world.” 

- C. S Lewis 

Nothing of this world can satisfy me. Although this summer wasn't one you'd find mentioned on the cover of VOGE and despite that it is usually the last kind of summer people want It was Great! Great because I had the Best of the Best and was richly blessed by his Goodness. 

It's a Good Thing.

There is...

   This morning I made a blubber in front of a bunch of people that served as a reminder of how beautiful grace is.

   Forgetting almost all the words to a song you are performing, stinks - period. so... Guess what happened.... Yep.... That happened this morning.  Fortunately I nailed the chorus and the next song I'd written; but as I sat there after proclaiming "All I have is Christ"  over and over and over again. I didn't feel embarrassed or weird.... (well may be a bit) but more than anything I was relieved ... relieved that my success and accomplishments in life are not what I live for because if they were... well I'm just glad they don't define me. 

ITS A GOOD THING...

...I messed up this morning, oddly enough it refocused my thinking - I find it wonderful that the words that I did remember were ones proclaiming my commitment to make Jesus my life. No matter the degree I get, the job I have,  or the talent I possess.. I would much rather have a legacy of surrender than of anything else. 

 ITS A GOOD THING...

...Grace keeps me grounded. Grace, that which is totally undeserved is a tool that reminds me of how sweet commitment and surrender are. Without it I'm afraid of who I'd be -- probably a prideful and conceited mess.

ITS A GOOD THING... 

...That God is a father who gives grace to his rebellious and disobedient children. His patiance and giving of Grace absolutely astounds me! Really though... I thought I understood... there is so much I don't and that I am seeing for the first time. 

But no worries.... ITS A GOOD THING! 

A Three Lettered Word.

Joy

   I've been thinking about that word lately. That small word doesn't do justice to the huge emotion it describes. To be joyful in all circumstances is tough. In fact I would go as far as to say that to be joyful in all circumstances is a lost art in humanity today. how much easier is it to give a reason for discomfort or unfairness than to look at the good that MIGHT possibly come out of the situation.
  
   Joy is something that HAS to be INSTIGATED. Thinking back to the many different times I have FELT joy, the feeling was never felt without an accompanying action. I guess a good metaphor in describing joy would be drinking a energy drink. You can eye it, talk about it, and even substitute it, but without actually opening the lid - you'd never taste and receive the Energy.  Which is why I think it is mentioned in Galatians as a fruit of the spirit. To acquire fruit there is quite a bit of effort involved I would know, due to our WONDERFUL patch of strawberries I have become well acquainted with the actions of  planting, watering, weeding, all the way down to the picking. Being JOYFUL is hard business and it takes practice but thats what makes us SALT and LIGHT in a world that is BLAND and DARK. Sometimes we need to be that ray of sunshine people encounter. 

   Nehemiah 8:10 says  that the "Joy of the lord is your strength"--- So what would happen if instead of complaining about rough and ugh things in our life we instead focused on the ways that God is moving and working to fulfill HIS good purpose in our lives. Having joy about the items on the "TO DO" list that is waiting to be accomplished makes each task bearable and I would go as far as to say enjoyable. Even if you are exhausted and running on the last bit of steam to do something you love because you love doing it makes whatever it is a breeze. 

   PERSPECTIVE is the key to complete and unspeakable joy. Shifting our perspective off our definition of "Good" and on to God's definition of "Good" is the only way to live a life that is satisfying and fulfilling. Life isn't Rainbows and unicorns - its more like mistakes, uncertainty and failure that we are bound to be plaged by; but if we fix our eyes on what really matters and are reminded of what already took place to make that misery temporary there is no reason that joy should not overflow.